ShesMoving!!!

My mom and I are moving into a new house in NRH. I went there today with my friend Lizzy. We got my room painted how I want it and I'm sooooo excited! :D

When we finally get into the house, I will be able to get a job, apply for college, and get on a real diet and maybe buy a tredmill.

I have a plan to bet my mom that I can lose 10 pounds in two months or I owe her money. And I love money... so I will try my hardest.

It's going to be hard. I'm going to try to cut out fast food and sodas all together. That's basically all I ever have. I hope mom sticks to it with me. She has a habbit of going to sonic in the mornings and getting herself a sweet tea. HOPEFULLY I can start helping her pay for the groceries, or my insurance or what ever she wants to put the money towards.

ShesCold

It's now become a habbit for me, to look up pictures of actresses of whom I think have perfect bodies, and stare in envy. I can't go walking really anymore. It's too cold. If I had a tredmill, I would be on it right now. Running. I hate running. But I might not hate it if I could do it every day and get used to it.

I hate this. Me and the friends hung out the other day. It was a perfect day, except for the fact that my mind was all on what the pictures were going to look like. Am I hiding my double chin well enough? Am I sucking in enough? Am I sitting up straight enough?

I hate the pictures. Not all of them, don't get me wrong. Just the ones with me in them. I am so happy with life and the way other people see me, but I just don't see what they see. I see someone TOTALLY different. And I know I do. I'm up to 160 now... in just a few weeks I've gained 6 pounds. I've been up and down since then but still; it's upseting.

This can't continue. I can't wait until I live with Mom again so we can change our diet together, and maybe walk together, or run if we feel up to it. I need to stop drinking sodas... completely.







Celebs who have awesome bodies:
ANGELINA JOLIE
JESSICA ALBA
JESSICA BEIL
KELLY CLARKSON
HAYDEN PANITTIERE
LINDSAY LOHAN(at her biggest)
JESSICA SIMPSON(pre-boob job)

the list goes on.

those are just a few.
I hate this.

ShesTired

I'm getting tired of seeing all of the girls that have perfect bodies on tv. People keep saying "we're going to change the way America sees women," but the truth is, they haven't. If a girl has just one thing wrong with her she's either ugly, or fat. MOST girls fall under both categories to some guys.

It just doesn't make sense.

To any guy out there who has ever said "that girls ugly," or "that girl needs to loose some weight," think about what those girls have been through. Don't you think they know that by now? Don't you think that maybe... just MAYBE it's been drilled into their fucking heads since they were little. Next time you see that girl, smile at her.

She deserves it.

And you know she does.

ShesThinking

I know a lot of people ask this question, but I'm going to ask it too.


Why is it that a guy can sleep with 10 people in a month and that be "normal" when if a girl sleeps with more than one, she's a slut?

It makes no sense. What so ever. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sleep with a whole bunch of people for the hell of it. But I would like to be with who I want to be with when I want to be with them without being labled a hoe-bag.





Just my thoughts.

ShesHappy

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm going to do when I grow up, and I'm starting to realize that I'm already grown. I'm nineteen years old. I can leagaly drink in two years. When did this happen? When did the immature, little, sixteen year old girl become an inteligent adult? When did thinking on my own with no restrictions begin? When did I stop asking myself "what will this person or this person think,"

I'm so afraid that I won't accomplish in this life what I've set out to do. And I am so thankful that there is someone else in this world that feels the same way I do. I know what I need to do, but doing it is the hard part.

Heather, I know that we will be friends forever. We have to be. It wouldn't be right if we weren't. We make a great team and we know what motivates the other.

This blog has made me feel better.

Thanks Heather for reading my ramblings<3

ShesPerfect

Or is she?

Society has this image built up that if you look like this, or act like that, or talk like this, or walk like that, you aren't fit to be a human being. I am 5'4" and I weigh 154.5 lbs. In no way am I dangerously obese; however, I believe I could stand to lose about 25 pounds or so. I am a human being, and this is my attempt to fit in.

I've never been one to follow the crowd; typically, I was the one walking behind the crowd until no one was looking and then slowly sneaking off in the other direction. I've always told myself that I wouldn't let society chain me, but I have. I always have.

"You're so sexy,"

Those aren't the words I want to hear when I don't believe them myself. I want to be confident enough in myself to be able to hear those words and think "yeah... I am," rather than "What the fuck ever you liar. You're just trying to get some and you don't care who it comes from,"

My brain always goes here. Even when people look at me and don't say a thing. Are they thinking "Why is her mouth uneven," or "Her stomach sticks out too far," At least that's what I'm thinking. Maybe they really do mean that I'm sexy. Maybe I am kinda pretty. Maybe I really do have a nice body... to them. Maybe my self image has been brought down by the girls on T.V. or in the magazines with there perfectly tanned flat stomachs, no stretch marks or blemishes; perhaps that is just my excuse for being bitter. And I am bitter. Very bitter.

I have thought about doing every thing in my power to make myself be who I want to be, but I lack either the funds or the discipline. I mean sure, if I were to win the loto, I'd be that girl in a month, no doubt. I just need to get this fat girl to go away. Just fucking go away and let me hear the words "you're beautiful," and not run screaming in the other direction. Let me kick the habbit of thinking things like "you're wrong," and "it's because I have boobs," Let me live my life like a normal, pretty, 19 year old girl would do.








This is me:

shoulders-40"
breast-39"
ribs-34"
waist-35"
hips-40"
legs-23.5"
arms-12"
weight-154 lbs

This is my ideal:

shoulders-38"
breast-39"
ribs-32"
waist-31"
hips-38"
legs-20"
arms-11"
weight- 125 lbs